| "Do you turn on your computer with your left
han... | "This
little computer," said the sales
clerk, ... |
| - Why do you think I spend too much
time
at my... | ..... Ya see, we
at Microsoft believe in
makin... |
| A
system programmer came home from work
almost... | A
tech support employee once received a
call f... |
| A
technician received a call from a
customer w... | A caller, perplexed that his new desktop
compute... |
| A confused caller was having troubles printing
... | A customer
needed help setting up a new
progra... |
| A customer called
to complain that his
keyboar... | A customer called to say he couldn't get his
c... |
| A customer was asked to send a
copy of her
def... | A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scien... |
| A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next
... | A person turned on the computer without a
keyb... |
| A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Gates, the
Pope,... | A programmer was walking along the beach when
he... |
| A ragged individual stranded for several months
... | A Software Engineer, a
Hardware Engineer and a B... |
| A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a
B... | A software verifier read in the Bible
that
God... |
| A technician advised his customer to put his
tro... | A technician received a call from a man
complain... |
| After a caller gave a technician her PC's
seri... | After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
r... |
| An exasperated caller to Tech Support
couldn't g... | An office technician got a call from a
user. T... |
| Another customer called Tech Support to say
he... | As most technophiles are aware, there are
spec... |
| Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself
fac... | Comments made
by Programmers when their
progra... |
| Computer
helpline?
Everytime I log onto
the s... | Computers are not intelligent.
They only
think ... |
| Computers make very fast, very accurate
mistak... | Computers manufacturer is considering changing
... |
| Customer:
"How do I print my
voicemail?" | Customer: "Hi, I'm
supposed to pack [zip]
my d... |
| Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
Tech: "Ye... | Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by
hand... |
| Customer: "It says I've performed an
illegal o... | Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive.
Cl... |
| Customer: "Wait, that
password looks
really gr... | Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have
call ... |
| Customer: I think I've got a bug in my
computer.... | Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your ... |
| Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for
me...
... | Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a
laptop c... |
| Doctor, doctor, I keep
thinking I'm a
computer... | Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in
a... |
| Got this email from a friend:
CanYouFixTheSpac... | Helpline? I've just pushed a
piece of
bacon in... |
| How do you keep a programmer in the shower
all... | How do you stop your laptop batteries from
run... |
| How many
IBM employees does it take to
change ... | How many
technical writers does it take to
cha... |
| How many C++ programmers does it take to
change ... | How many Java programmers does it take to
change... |
| How many maintenance programmers does it take
... | I heard that
if you play the Windows NT
4.0 CD... |
| I overheard a woman in a
computer store
say to... | I've been on my computer all night!
Don't
you t... |
| I've been sitting at this computer for hours
and... | If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Wind... |
| If Microsoft built cars you would need to
restar... | Jesus and Satan got into an
argument over
whic... |
| Many people in computer labs will assure
you, ... | Me: "What is that noise?"
Customer: "Hey
Marti... |
| Mum, Mum,
Dad's broken my
computer!
How did h... | My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a
bit ... |
| My computer made a funny sound the other
day.
O... | Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many
Mar... |
| One guy was on duty in the main lab
on a
quiet... | One of Microsoft's finest
technicans was
draft... |
| Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a
choice o... | Q.
What creature has the best aptitude for
eng... |
| Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
A.
He u... | Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take ... |
| Q: Complete the following word analogy:
Add is... | Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
... |
| Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to
chang... | Q: How many Microsoft support
staff does
it ta... |
| Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to
... | Q: How many programmers does it take to
screw ... |
| Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the
Pentium's... | Q: What do you call a series of FDIV
instructi... |
| Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC
... | Q: What does a proud computer call his
little ... |
| Q: What happens if you cross a
midget and
a co... | Q: What is the difference between Windows 95
a... |
| Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside"
... | Q: What's the
best way to accelerate a
Mac?
A... |
| Q: What's the
difference between a car
salesma... | Q: Which way did the programmer go?
A: He
went ... |
| Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the
586?
A... | Redmond,
WA --Microsoft announced today
that t... |
| Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help
you?... | Student: "Would it be possible to
install
Arab... |
| Teacher: Look at the state of the school
compu... | Teacher: Shall I put the school computer
on?
Pu... |
| Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?"
... | Tech Support: "Which format are the images you
s... |
| Technical support had a
caller complaining
tha... | The
attention span of a computer is as
long as... |
| The boy is smoking and
leaving smoke rings
int... | The problem
with physicists is that they
tend ... |
| The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought
you ... | The Three
Laws of Secure
Computing
1) Don't... |
| There are three engineers in a car; an
electrica... | There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, ... |
| There was once a young man who,
in his
youth, ... | They say that the new super computer
knows
eve... |
| This computer
you charged me L950 for
doesn't ... | This customer comes into
the computer
store. "... |
| This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
load... | To err is human; but to really mess things up
... |
| Want to buy a pocket computer?
No, thanks,
I al... | Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows
95
... |
| What did
Bill Gate's wife say to him on
their ... | What did one
keyboard say to the other
keyboar... |
| What did one mouse say to the other
mouse?
I ge... | What did the mouse say to the
webcam?
Cheese. |
| What do computer experts do at weekends?
Go
for... | What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Ch... |
| What do you do if your computer hums?
Tell
it t... | What do you get if you cross a computer
with a... |
| What do you get if you cross a computer with a
... | What do you get if you cross a constable with
a ... |
| What do you get if you stuff your computer's
dis... | What do you get if you take your computer to
an ... |
| What happened when the computer fell on the
floo... | What is a computer virus?
A terminal
illness. |
| What is an
astronaut's favorite key on a
compu... | What's the difference between Windows 95 and a
v... |
| What's the difference between your finger and
a ... | When do computers
go to sleep?
When
it's inte... |
| Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
In
its... | Where is the best place to buy computer
software... |
| Which football team to you need to connect up
yo... | Which kind of ink do you put in your
computer's ... |
| While trying to diagnose a
problem over
the ph... | Who holds up
stagecoaches and steals
laptop co... |
| Who sits on Cinderella's
keyboard?
Buttons. | Why
did the computer act crazy?
It had
a scre... |
| Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Atla... | Why did
the school bully kick the
classroom co... |
| Why did the dish and spoon hide their
computer?
... | Why did the duck stick his leg into a
computer... |
| Why did the duck stick his leg into a
computer... | Why do computer teachers never get
sick?
Beca... |
| Why do programmers always get Christmas and
Ha... | Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was
loo... |
| Would you like to buy a second-hand
computer?
I... | Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited
t... |
| You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!... | You're spending a lot of time at that
computer... |
| Young Judy, the editor of a trivia
publication... |
